Wednesday, July 21, 2010

First Impressions...

Let me start by telling you a little about me and my sweetheart.

I had just broken up with my boyfriend. We were supposed to go to the military ball together, but that was now canned. Patrick and I started talking through a mutual "friend". This consisted of me passing notes to him from her, which was OK for me, because since the first time I saw him freshman year, I was drawn to him. It's now sophomore year, I'm without a date to the ball, and he's now single. On our way to lunch after class I'm ranting about getting my hopes up to go and now I can't...and then in mid sentence I hear, "Well you wanna go with me?"! I lost my breathe. I never thought about that! Here I was moping, and he's there sweating bullets! I could feel the heat coming off him. Those few seconds must've felt like a century to him! It did to me. Without another thought, “Sure”! Later he revealed to me that it took him two weeks to get the courage to ask me! And the main reason he was able to do it that day, that moment, was because he (along with everyone else without me knowing) was afraid of someone else asking me. Apparently, Jesse had told everyone I was gonna go with him and be his girlfriend. He even wrote me a little love note. And we had history together after lunch. Unbeknown to him, I already accepted the invitation by someone…I already knew!

It’s the day of the ball and I’m all dolled up in my hair and makeup, and beautiful gown. There’s a knock on the door and my heart begins racing! My mom opens the door and there’s my handsome man, completely speechless and motionless. Yesss! I did my job. Pictures and an hour later we’re dancing away on the floor. The unspoken name decides to show up anyways...and ask for a dance. A couple hours & endless dancing later, it’s time to go and we’re standing outside waiting for our ride. This is where he asked me about me & my ex and I explain that we’re not together anymore & blah blah blah. As we walk to the car, “So would you want to go out with me?” Holy Moly Mother of Jesus! OK this guy’s got it bad. I didn’t think of him that way, although I did think he was pretty cute & nice & sweet &, &, well you know! I wanted to say yes so bad! And so I did…not. I suddenly remembered that Monday was Valentines Day. How cool would that be?! Well I respectfully declined explaining that I just got out of a serious relationship and still needed time.

Valentines Day! Now I’m the one sweating bullets. Didn’t sleep all weekend. Couldn’t stop thinking about him and those HOT thighs of his that I discovered while teaching him to Salsa…”Oh! Hi Pat!” Damn…how did I get from my house to here all of a sudden!? Great. Just my luck it’s just the two of us. I bet he can see me shaking. “WOW!” He proceeds to hand me like 5 or 6 little stuffed things & a heart w/chocolate in it. Yep, he’s got me. Chocolate is my kryptonite…besides those gorgeous eyes of his. Course I say Oh my gosh and thank you and, “Yes”. “Yes?” “Yes I will go out with you”. And then he smiles so big I swear it went from ear to ear. I love the way he looked at me just then. And he continued to look at me like that for the next 2 years. Every major stepping stone in our relationship was on a holiday, no lie.

It’s now towards the end of senior year and I’m feeling selfish. Patrick & I talked about him going into the military. We even went to the recruiters together. Navy was his best shot, because he didn’t want to be shipped over seas. Marines was his first choice, but he was thinking about ME. I got scared and thought I wanted different or better.
Hindsight is 20/20.

I quite literally broke his heart. And I was so cold-hearted. The next few months were very painful for the both of us, mostly him. We graduated in May and I married a certain “Unspoken” in July. Oh it was grand! Until his dad passed away a few months later. That’s when the abuse started. I’m not talking physical. Emotional, mental, spiritual. The worst kind. Three years later I had had enough.

8:30pm and I’m hopping in my car after work. I dial my girls number, Courtney, and she answers on the 2nd ring. “Hey babe!” “Hey, what are you doing? Still wanna hang out?” “I went to see a movie with Pat!” “Hey.” I stop breathing. Oh God, is that?! No way. He’s in town?! WTF?!? “Uh, hey!” I rush home to check the apartment before they come over. OK. All is good. But I stink from work: Five Guys Burgers & Fries! Just as I contemplated changing there’s a knock on my door and I know it’s them. “Shoot!” I open the door and freeze. Here he is. 3 years we haven’t seen nor talked to each other. There’s that look. And all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and kiss him. A few days later, crap hit the fan with the husband & I. And I can honestly say that when I needed someone the most, Patrick was there, despite what we’ve been through...and not to mention it was around midnight. That’s when I realized he was meant for me all along.

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