Thursday, July 29, 2010

Jeremy Camp- I'll Take You Back

When it rains it pours!

Past two chaotic days. Catching up. This’ll be for Tuesday & Wednesday.

5 Things I’m Grateful for:

1-God is amazing. I’m learning to re-discover myself. Find my true identity, in Christ. Walls being torn down. New found strength building me back up. Healing me. This is an amazing feeling! ...sometimes we have to follow our hearts...even if it hurts some of the people we love. I'm re-discovering ME and that's what matters right now. I'm building up my faith, as these walls are being torn down. I'm healing in this process as well. My faith is about me at the moment, but it will get to be about others as well...soon. Until then, I need NO DRAMA! NO STRESS!

2-Thunderstorms! House rattling, lights up the sky, thunderstorms! These are the best days to sleep…but not when you have a lot to do!

3-My best friend. They really know how to cheer me up when I’m down. Just hearing their voice calms me. I don’t know what I’d do without them!

4-My cat: Amber Lynn. She’s so adorable and fuzzy and hilarious. I loveez her!

5-Last, but not least, my family. They may be chaotic and crazy, but that means it’s never a dull moment around here!

When it rains it pours! It’s been pretty chaotic here these past few days. Lot’s of drama. Everything seems to be going great and peaceful, and then the heavens open up! I don’t know what I’d do without my best friend right now, while my sailor is away. Since he’s away & there’s pretty much no contact (the email server seems to be down), I have no one else to confide in. A support system is extremely important during these tough times. Keep your head up! Hang in there! Remember to stay strong, because we are SUPERHEROES! If we can get through childbirth & deployments, nothing can stop us!

Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me”!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.

To realize
The value of a sister/brother
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of  four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
Who has given birth to a premature  baby..

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when
You can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend or family member:


Hold on tight to the ones you love!

Monday, July 26, 2010

5 Things I’m grateful for today

5 Things I’m grateful for today:

1-God. He allowed me to wake up this morning. He gave me breathe. Life. Everything.
2-My new wittle “sister”. Miss Anna. Love her to death. She helps keep me busy, keep me laughing. She’s adorable. Gets my mind off the loneliness.
3-Best friends. They make the world a better place. Couldn’t ask for better friends. During a time when I need them the most they are truly here for me.
4-My momma’s cooking! OMGosh she can make a MEAN meal! She made chicken breasts with BBQ sauce; topped with sliced tomatoes, green & red peppers. WOW! Mashed potatoes on the side along with cheesy broccoli casserole! OMG!
5-Lovely, hot/warm, wonderful, long showers! They never cease to make me feel better when I’m not feeling so well.
Killer migraines…meet life-restoring, wonderful, showers!

5 Things I'm grateful for today

1-My sailor sweetie. Stress was getting to me today. I didn't wanna burden him with anything. But when I heard his voice the tears just started coming! Of course, he won't let me get away with telling him nothing was wrong. Well, I spilled my guts. And it was worth it. This is why he's my best friend. I can talk about anything..even issues between the two of us..and he understands me. Despite him being out to sea, with stresses of his own, he was "here" for me. And as always I had to reassure him that I am here for him as well, waiting.
2-Friends. Amazing friends. On a day like this, when I don't deserve it, God sends me amazing people to cheer me up. Make me think straight, for myself, again.
3-AC. Wonderful cool air! I don't do well in heat.
4-Food. Comfort food. Chocolate=Scrumdilyumtiousness!
5-The Internet. To meet amazing, awesome, new people! I'm making new friends and I love it! Can never have too many friends!

What are YOU grateful for today? Take the challenge. Write down 5 things you're grateful for at the end of each day. It's a life-changing experience.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

The forbidden word...SEX...

Ever have those days, and it's worse when he's away, when all you can think about is sex?! Well today would be that day for me. Perfect. It's usually the men who are the horn-dogs, but in this get my drift. I'm going to see my sailor in a week & the only thing I can think about doing is HIM! urg! But it doesn't seem to be on his mind. I understand he's busy & tired. His job & these underways/deployments take a toll on him. He can spend hours on a game...and I just sit there. Staring at the wall, cleaning something, or reading a book. If he only knew what I was thinking...
   He's a rare breed. Sex is not on his mind 24/7. But when it is, OMG watch out! lol I feel like the dude here. Is that normal?! Hell, what is normal anymore?

My solution is this: take a COLD shower. Play with the kid(s). Or the pet(s). Read a non-romance mystery or something. Go for a walk. Let the cool breeze just clear your mind. Us women can multi-task, but when love-making is on OUR brain, motor skills seem to be..immobile..

So remember ladies: We are SUPER-HEROES! If we can make it through deployments and childbirth, we can overcome ANYTHING! Hang in there. Remain faithful. Remember they aren't getting "any" either. It's tough, I know. Keep your head up, for that day that they are back in your arms again will soon be here, as well as your long, UN-patiently awaited "embrace"!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

I started this last night and fell asleep in the middle of writing it. Hah! Well here goes a combination of yesterday & today:

5 things I’m grateful for today:

1-Mercy. I’ve been a piss pot all day today! Started when I woke up. The evil TOM is here, so cramping, bloating, etc out did the pain from my jaw. And couldn’t get my scrip filled for my pain killers. Everyone has been scared of me today. Ha-ha. I’m not usually this grumpy, but since I hadn’t heard from my sailor in a week and a half, I was extra sensitive. Thank the Lord he has mercy to forgive my evil-ness & pms-ing today.
2-Comfy clothes. When you don’t feel like getting dressed and you can lounge around. And I didn’t even change to walk the pooch. Nice.
3-My sweetheart. At first he decided to call when I was in the shower…bad timing. And I only got to talk to him for a couple minutes. BOO! Man was I grumpier after that, until he called me last night. =) All my issues just melt away when I hear his voice. Can’t wait to see my babe.
4-Sleep. Love it.
5-New friends. Especially when you have so much in common with them! Love reconnecting with old ones as well.

Don’t you just love it when your day is going so crappy, you haven’t heard from your sweetheart in a while, and they randomly call you, send you an email, text you, or whatever their contact method is?! Love it.

I was so grumpy yesterday, didn’t talk to anyone, but when I got on the phone with him I couldn’t shut up! He so made my day all better. Today was much better. Thank God! I get to see him next Sunday! He’ll be in port near me, driving distance! WOOT! I’m so excited! Miss my boo. I’m not gonna be able to see him again for a couple months, possibly. Not cool. Turns out, I’m able to file the papers with my ex. Finish this. Do what I should’ve done sooner. Then my sailor and I can be together & it be right. No more other attachments. Woohoo!

Friday, July 23, 2010

You are the apple of my eye

My sweetheart sent this to me today. At the perfect moment.

You are the apple of my eye
You are the stars in my night sky
You are the moon that gives me peace
You are the key to my release

Wait for Me - Theory of a Deadman


So this is a new thing I’m starting. I encourage you to follow as well. I will try to continue this. Sometimes we get so caught up in missing our hero, or even in the hustle & bustle of the day, that we forget to stop & be grateful for the little things. So everyday at the end of the day I challenge you to take a moment before you say your prayers and go bed, and remind yourself of 5 things that you’re grateful for for that day.

5 things I’m grateful for today:
1-God. He allowed me to wake up this morning. Gave me breathe. Eyes to see. Ears to hear. I started praying again…over my food and all; and since then my life has gotten a little easier to bear.
2-Bootsie. Mom’s little Min Pin/Chihuahua. She’s uber sweet and love-able! I’ve been feeling down today due to PMS & my sailor being away & not being able to hear from him. Boots is so full of joy & love! She gives me those little googly eyes and I just MELT! Loving on this lil pooch has really brightened my day.
3-Courtney. My ultimate best friend/sister. She called me at the perfect moment today! I was about to break down in tears and my phone went off. “Wanna hang out?” She can sure cheer me up anytime.
4-Cooking. I love to cook. Especially for a group of people. I come from a BIG family. Around 10 people for dinner every night. I love to mix things up and invent them as well. When I cook, I put myself into it. I literally forget about everything else. Now don’t get me wrong, I can multi-task! But the troubles of the day melted away, just as that butter melted in them delicious greens!
5-My sailor. My sweetheart. My love. Mon Petite Chu Chu! “My little cabbage head!” Even though he’s somewhere under the sea and I haven’t heard from him in over a week…and probably won’t for a couple more…he’s still the sunshine to my day, the stars in my night sky, and my world in this universe. The very thought of him sends chills up my spine & flutterbies in my tummy! Patrick is the man made for me. And oh so worth the wait! I may not see or hear him physically, but he's always in my dreams!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

My beautiful nieces & moms pooch

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7 positive things

This blog/site is really great! If you need some encouragement, scroll down to "7 Positive Things". 

Here they are. I'm going to try to do this as well. 

7 Positive Things

1. Focus on just today.
No one can control tomorrow. Try to only focus on what needs to be done Today.

2. Take time for you.
Everyone needs and deserves a break. We are better parents and people when we relax a little. It's amazing what even as little as 10 minutes of personal time can do for your outlook.

3. Think positive!!
Keep a small notebook and write down 5 things at the end of the day that you are grateful for. This one simple thing changes lives because it changes the way we view the world. You begin to view it with gratitude!

4. Choose your battles.
Decide what's really is important to acknowledge. The small stuff that worries us or stresses us out is not worth the energy we choose to put into it.

5. Hug those babies of yours and tell them you love them everyday. Kids are resilient and even when we make mistakes. They just want our love and will forgive.

6. Keep family and friends close.
Having a support system during deployment is critical. Join groups and reach out for help when you need it. Isolation will lead to depression. So many people want to help so be willing to reach out for the help. Their is great strength in numbers. We LOVE to help you!!

7. Laugh when you feel like crying. Lay down on the floor with the kids and each of you put your head on the others belly and start to laugh. It will be fake at first but soon there will be real laughter and you will feel much better. Laughter is not only the best medicine it's the best stress reliever too.

If only I could be with my sailor right now…

It’s now been a week since Patrick left again. This underway is only a few weeks, hopefully. But when he gets back home, I won’t be there because I’m in Florida. And I’ll still be here when he gets back from his next two underways as well. This totally blows. I miss him so much already! I’m so exhausted. Mentally and emotionally. I have so much going on right now, that I can’t think. And I barely have any support. Nobody else around me understands my pain.

The reason I’m here, originally, was to have surgery on my jaw caused by TMJ from a car accident over a year ago; and to file divorce papers (not from Patrick...just read previous post). Well the money I had saved ended up having to be used. Since my ex-husband and I don’t have any children, property, or assets of any kind, we could be divorced within 2-3 months max. Then, technically, I’d be single again by the end of the year. But most importantly I’d be all Patrick’s! Just in time for the holidays! I hate that we have to go through this. But we did jump into this knowing the hardships. As for the surgery. It was scheduled for August 12th. My lawyer called me today asking to put it off a couple more months! That’s the main reason I came down here so soon! Now I’m going to miss seeing my sweetheart because of lazy asses! URG! I live in pain every single day. I double up on my pain meds because the original scrip doesn’t touch it. According to the lawyer, if I wait, we could settle quicker this way. Then she informed me it was a $45,000 surgery. My original demand was for $100k. She’s talking double that now. Woohoo for me! No, more like Woohoo for them money hungers.

I was also supposed to finish schooling for my Pharmacy Technician diploma. Due to the way the classes are being held I’d have to stay until December in order to finish. I plan to go back to CT way before then. It’s only math, which I don’t particularly NEED. So it’s really not worth it. I have enough knowledge, and the books, in order to challenge the certification exam. But it costs $150...which I don’t have.

I’m stressing out over all this junk, including my family & personal issues. Patrick is the only one who can control my fits. Keep me calm. Relatively sane. I’m not gonna send him emails venting and ranting. He doesn’t need that. Besides, he’s probably not even getting them. He said he’ll be so busy that he won’t be able to email me. Even when he’s in port. Because he’s trying to get qualified. Damn these stupid quals! I’d prefer he get it all done now rather than me never seeing him when he’s home trying to get this done.

I’m trying to keep myself busy in all this mess. It’s simply not working. I just wanna huddle in a little corner and cry until I’m blue in the face. But I can’t. I have to be strong. I feel so weak. I put on a smile & laugh, even though I feel this stabbing pain deep in my stomach & chest. I’ve attached myself to my moms dog, walking her and feeding her and loving on her…and allowing her to sleep in bed with me. Can’t forget my cat as well! I clean the house, re-organize rooms, and stay on face book any other spare moment I have. I have no friends anymore so I don’t go anywhere. I can’t anyways because I have no money and no vehicle. The few friends I do have are in the same boat, or not willing to come to me. So I’m stuck. But I try to hang on. It’s not easy not hearing his voice or getting an email from him. I don’t sleep because every time I close my eyes I have nightmares. I attempt to think of him and happy memories and stuff, but it just doesn’t seem to work.

Sorry I’m venting. I’m having one of those days. I hate PMSing. If only I could be with my sailor right now…

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Look at my fat princess! =)

First Impressions 2...

March 21st, 2010. I jumped in Pat’s truck and moved to Groton, Connecticut from Lakeland, Florida! Four months later, we are still going strong. Stronger and better than before. I know I made the right decision. I’m so grateful and appreciative of my babe! Words can’t express enough how I feel. I’m so deeply and passionately in love with him, I just wish I saw this sooner.
Hindsight is 20/20.

Well, he did follow through with joining the Navy, obviously. My sweetheart is a Nuke. I missed boot camp and his schooling, but not his first underway! I wish that I was there, but it's ok. I am here now. That's what counts. Several underways later, I am now experienced. Are there nicknames for us, too, or is that just a sailor-only thing?

First Impressions...

Let me start by telling you a little about me and my sweetheart.

I had just broken up with my boyfriend. We were supposed to go to the military ball together, but that was now canned. Patrick and I started talking through a mutual "friend". This consisted of me passing notes to him from her, which was OK for me, because since the first time I saw him freshman year, I was drawn to him. It's now sophomore year, I'm without a date to the ball, and he's now single. On our way to lunch after class I'm ranting about getting my hopes up to go and now I can't...and then in mid sentence I hear, "Well you wanna go with me?"! I lost my breathe. I never thought about that! Here I was moping, and he's there sweating bullets! I could feel the heat coming off him. Those few seconds must've felt like a century to him! It did to me. Without another thought, “Sure”! Later he revealed to me that it took him two weeks to get the courage to ask me! And the main reason he was able to do it that day, that moment, was because he (along with everyone else without me knowing) was afraid of someone else asking me. Apparently, Jesse had told everyone I was gonna go with him and be his girlfriend. He even wrote me a little love note. And we had history together after lunch. Unbeknown to him, I already accepted the invitation by someone…I already knew!

It’s the day of the ball and I’m all dolled up in my hair and makeup, and beautiful gown. There’s a knock on the door and my heart begins racing! My mom opens the door and there’s my handsome man, completely speechless and motionless. Yesss! I did my job. Pictures and an hour later we’re dancing away on the floor. The unspoken name decides to show up anyways...and ask for a dance. A couple hours & endless dancing later, it’s time to go and we’re standing outside waiting for our ride. This is where he asked me about me & my ex and I explain that we’re not together anymore & blah blah blah. As we walk to the car, “So would you want to go out with me?” Holy Moly Mother of Jesus! OK this guy’s got it bad. I didn’t think of him that way, although I did think he was pretty cute & nice & sweet &, &, well you know! I wanted to say yes so bad! And so I did…not. I suddenly remembered that Monday was Valentines Day. How cool would that be?! Well I respectfully declined explaining that I just got out of a serious relationship and still needed time.

Valentines Day! Now I’m the one sweating bullets. Didn’t sleep all weekend. Couldn’t stop thinking about him and those HOT thighs of his that I discovered while teaching him to Salsa…”Oh! Hi Pat!” Damn…how did I get from my house to here all of a sudden!? Great. Just my luck it’s just the two of us. I bet he can see me shaking. “WOW!” He proceeds to hand me like 5 or 6 little stuffed things & a heart w/chocolate in it. Yep, he’s got me. Chocolate is my kryptonite…besides those gorgeous eyes of his. Course I say Oh my gosh and thank you and, “Yes”. “Yes?” “Yes I will go out with you”. And then he smiles so big I swear it went from ear to ear. I love the way he looked at me just then. And he continued to look at me like that for the next 2 years. Every major stepping stone in our relationship was on a holiday, no lie.

It’s now towards the end of senior year and I’m feeling selfish. Patrick & I talked about him going into the military. We even went to the recruiters together. Navy was his best shot, because he didn’t want to be shipped over seas. Marines was his first choice, but he was thinking about ME. I got scared and thought I wanted different or better.
Hindsight is 20/20.

I quite literally broke his heart. And I was so cold-hearted. The next few months were very painful for the both of us, mostly him. We graduated in May and I married a certain “Unspoken” in July. Oh it was grand! Until his dad passed away a few months later. That’s when the abuse started. I’m not talking physical. Emotional, mental, spiritual. The worst kind. Three years later I had had enough.

8:30pm and I’m hopping in my car after work. I dial my girls number, Courtney, and she answers on the 2nd ring. “Hey babe!” “Hey, what are you doing? Still wanna hang out?” “I went to see a movie with Pat!” “Hey.” I stop breathing. Oh God, is that?! No way. He’s in town?! WTF?!? “Uh, hey!” I rush home to check the apartment before they come over. OK. All is good. But I stink from work: Five Guys Burgers & Fries! Just as I contemplated changing there’s a knock on my door and I know it’s them. “Shoot!” I open the door and freeze. Here he is. 3 years we haven’t seen nor talked to each other. There’s that look. And all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and kiss him. A few days later, crap hit the fan with the husband & I. And I can honestly say that when I needed someone the most, Patrick was there, despite what we’ve been through...and not to mention it was around midnight. That’s when I realized he was meant for me all along.