Friday, September 24, 2010

A new start

So I'm setting up a whole new blog and moving over there. The sailor and I are no longer together. It's much too difficult to just change the name than it would to start a whole new blog. My only issue...I'm usually good at this, but I can't seem to figure out what to call the new blog. Any hints? Just leave your comments below! Thanks everyone!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Thursday Five

Yay it's Thursday! I'm unusually excited about this one for some reason! Maybe because I feel extra giddy today?! 
Hope you enjoy, write your own five things that make you feel these five words listed below, grab the button, and go over and link up!





 One ~ I got a call from my lawyers office! We have sent everything we need so now we're just waiting to hear back now. Ug, I hate waiting! But patience is a virtue.
Two ~ I finally got to babysit my newest niece, Jaylen! She's only a couple months old. So adorable and happy! She is by far the perfect baby! She never cries or wines..unless she's super hungry. Jaylen loves to smile and laugh. I love her little laugh! She's so precious. I had her for a good 12 hours...and we had a ball! Of course my fever came fever that is. 
Three~ My divorce was finalized on Tuesday! I'm finally free! I'm now a single woman...sort of. Legally yes. But my heart is most definitely taken. I didn't ask for this nor expect it. There's nothing better than rekindling old friendships, but when one becomes something more...
I'll update this at a later time. Keep checkin' in!
Four~  My teddy! I got me a teddy again! I've had a specific teddy bear since I was 9 years old..I'm currently 22. But I left him a ways away so I've been without one for a while. But recently got me another...much better one. He's warming, charming, and perfect. =}
Five~ I've been writing again. Poems I mean. I love to write. It's been a passion and talent (so I've been told) of mine since I was a little girl. I feel like a little girl again when I write. It's always been a haven for me. To get lost in the the pen and paper..away from reality.

Nothing more...

Couldn't help but write another.

There’s nothing I want more
Than to see your face,
Hear your voice,
Feel your touch,
Get lost in your gorgeous eyes,
And trace your amazing smile with my lips.

I love nothing more than to lay there and you hold me in your arms.
When you kiss my forehead it sends butterflies in my tummy.
When you whisper in my ear it sends chills down my spine.

There’s nothing more
I shall want or need
Than to hear you say
You love me.

Wee bit of Mee

I know it's officially Thursday, but I had a long day and just getting to my blog. I've noticed this meme going around and I think it's time for you to get to know me a little better! It's called "A Wee bit of Me Wednesdays", by Leigh. Click on the button and check her out! So adorable! I challenge you, my followers, to express yourself a little more each week. I enjoy telling my stories and I hope you delight in them as well!

what is your happiest childhood memory?
It's a long one & I apologize...
My 9th
From waking up to going to sleep. I stayed the night before with my second family (my parents best friends..whom forced all 8 of us kids to become besties as well...luckily it worked, now we are all grown & nearly inseparable). I was lucky enough to get shot-gun on the way to my house! So we're on our way and a couple of the kids start fighting over something. I don't look back because just as I started to, one screams, "Mom! She won't let me hold the rose!" Fail. I ignored it of course. That was a looong ride from WH to Lkld. Well we arrive and just as I open the door to the house, Jason (the oldest) runs around, grabs me, and takes me inside like a groom sweeps his bride off her feet and carries her over the threshold. ;-) To my surprise all my family and friends were waiting for me! To sum this up, my grandmother did the Macarena and I had my first slow dance, with my cousin whom I sort of had a crush on. hehe Got my first horseback ride with my best friend. And a Teddy bear given to me that I still have & goes with me on every trip. I'm currently 22. This was overall the best weekend ever in my childhood life. I remember it like it was yesterday!
{two} what is your middle name?

{three} what’s the habit you’re most proud of breaking?
Biting my nails

{four} what do you order when you order Chinese food?
Usually Orange Chicken and lo mien noodles

{five} what’s the best bargain you’ve ever found at a garage sale or thrift store?
Recently I thought I hit a gold mine at a neighbor's yard sale! I noticed this worn, damaged, and eye-catching little book of poems by William Wordsworth, The complete Works! It was published in early 1800's! Not only do I admire his work, but I had to have this, no matter the cost! It could be worth something! I rush home to search Ebay, Craigslist, wherever I can find. Paid $5 for it. My profit, if sold: $10. haha!!! Still the best bargain ever!

{six} what’s the best costume you’ve ever worn?
Only because my momma made it from scratch, the best costume I have ever had was a princess gown when I was in 1st grade. I was Belle, from Beauty & the Beast. I even had a crown. My crush happened to be a prince. Go figure. This was the day we became good friends. hehe Not to mention we won the costume contest...for cutest outfits & cutest couple! WOOT!

{seven} who’s your favorite game show host?
C'mon he's a legend: Bob Barker, of course!

{eight} what’s your favorite breakfast food?
French toast and bacon

{nine} what’s your least favorite word?
I have two: G_, D_. Read between the lines.

{ten} describe something that happened to you for which you have no explanation.
Another lengthy one...
My ex and I went on a date to Mugs & Movies. I don't even remember the movie we saw. I do remember it being PACKED! As it got over, and we got up to leave, we noticed a specific man sitting in the back. We recognized him from 2 years earlier! He recognized us as we passed him outside the theater.
He was a homeless man who was very kind & would literally give the shirt off his back to ANYONE. He said a few things to us the night we met him that eventually came true. We just had to talk to him. Lee was his name. We talked for a bit and I wish you could see the glow in his face and eyes as we spent time with him! He also said a few things this night that did eventually come to pass as well. Things we didn't accept until a specific event happened. It was his birthday and he had a couple bucks so he decided to see a movie for himself. Seeing us made his night. Seeing him answered of prayer of mine. Anywho, he asked if we could get him a few things from the store and he'd meet us there. It started to rain almost immediately. Of course we couldn't let him walk in the rain so we gave him a ride. He was so appreciative. As we left, he went his way. Well....when we pulled away and I looked back, he was GONE! Just vanished! We've never seen him since...that was almost 2 years ago. What more can I say to that?!

okay, your turn!


Another one I wrote...

My mind drifts toward thoughts of you
a million times a day.
You're always here within my heart
you seem to know the way.
An endless craving deep inside.
I need you...oh so much,
To look into those brooding eyes
To feel your gentle touch.
The mere sound of your voice
that makes my spirit soar,
It reaches far into my soul
down to the very core.
You haunt my dreams
a vision so intense,
an apparition,
so sublime no possible defense.
Such joy I can't recall.
Not a single day of  sorrow,
Since we became one.

Because of You

Oh just something I wrote yesterday...thought I'd share it with the world.

I’ve been in darkness for so long just waiting for the light,
And now that you’ve come my way, my days don’t seem like nights.

I’m glad I’m finally overcome my fear of the other side,
Thank you for showing me the way, by taking me on this ride.
You’ve truly touched me deep inside,
You’ve unlocked, opened, the door.

I know it’s nothing serious, but surely it’s a start.
You’ve treated me so equally, I feel it in my heart.

And if this does not work, I’m glad I’ve had the chance,
To see how great you truly are, even just for a glance.

We never know what’ll come of this, it really just depends.
I’m glad we took the first step, in becoming friends.

With you I never have to guess just how you really feel,
You talk to me about the facts and tell me what’s the deal.

With you I feel so comfortable, like nothing can go wrong.
I get this tingly feeling inside, you sing to me like a bird sings a song.

I’m trying to live in the moment, by forgetting about the past,
And so far it’s been working, it’s really been a blast.

So hopefully from this day forth,
I’ll know just what to do,
If ever I come across a guy, another guy, just like you.

I hope I never have to…

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I'm free!

Yesterday, Tuesday, was my divorce hearing & the judge granted it! WOOT! I'm now a single gal! Officially! YAY! I'm doing good. Got my best friend by my side and all is peachy! hehe Tomorrow I'll be posting my Thursday five! I'm kind of excited about it. The beginning of my next week. lol Wish I could start it with a job, but not so much luck here...Soon I hope! Anywho, hitting the hay. Just wanted to update. Tootaloo! =)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

It's Thursday!!!

Yay it's Thursday again! The beginning of my new week! I tend to go from Thursday to Wednesday now because I look forward to the Thursday five! Woot! Anywho, this is an amazing trend and I think you should hop on the bandwagon! Take the five words listed below and jot down five things/events that made/make you feel each one! Then click on the pic above and link up with Mrs. Gambizzle so others can see it too! 
Our words...




One ~ Tuesday is almost here. My divorce will be finalized and I will be freeee! This has been a real battle and affected my other relationships (with family, friends, even my sailor..which we're no longer together). It's absolutely unexpected and unfortunate. I HATE that this is something we had to go through, but fortunately has also brought me closer to certain others I wish I had been close to all along. I guess I can say that I'm happy about that. 
TwoI've been numb for so long. About six months now. Recently I've been able to feel again. I put some major heavy duty walls up! But they seem to be non-existent to a certain couple of people. URG. But it's ok. I finally let someone in again and it actually feels pretty good. I don't feel so stressed out. I can breathe again. I'm gonna be alright. And I got my Teddy back! He makes me feel so special, wanted, and adored! I don't believe he'll ever betray me. hehe
ThreeI'm excited for next weekend! Me and my girl are planning a girls night out with a bunch of wonderful ladies! No men, no technology! I so can't wait! Haven't had girl time in a real long time. It's gonna be epic!
Four ~  I'm so thankful for the wonders in my life. Wonderful people and a wonderful God. 
Five ~  Music always knows my mood. I know, without a doubt, that I'd die without it! 

There we go! My Thursday five! Take the's a rewarding experience!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Baby Fever

It seems to be an issue in relationships. Baby fever. Say, both want children of their own, biological I mean. But one isn't sure if they can physically have them. Like me for instance. I have PCOS & Endometriosis. I've never really used protection because 1-I'm allergic & 2-I was married, so if it happened, great! Obviously it didn't happen. I'm hurt because all my siblings & most friends have children & I don't. Even now, yet I'm divorced & single, I still have the baby fever. I just love them so much! I was born to be a mommy & I want that so very much! So of course I wonder if it's an issue in a new relationship. He wants children of his own so it's a difficult decision to make: be with me no matter what...or is it too much to bear that we may not have biological children? You know, think about ME & MY feelings here! It hurts me too! Be by my side and we can bear this together. It really should not be an issue. But it is to some people. So to those like me, it really hurts that the "thought" has to be thought about. I'm just sayin. I've seen this come around and felt like I needed to vent it. That's my vent. Comment if you like. Peace!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Psycho Babble

Officially one more week until my divorce is finalized. I'm not sure what to say except I'm hurt & excited at the same time. My "ex" is making me out to be the bad guy and him the victim. WTF?! The crap I went through for him...Anywho, everyday is getting a little harsher. Mainly because certain people are against my decisions. It somehow affects them, which is BS. You tell me not to worry about what others say about me and then turn around and jump on my case..because of what others are saying about me!?! WTH?! I'm sick of the double-standard, babble-bullshit. It's ridunkulous! lol Anyways, this is my own psycho babbling. What's normal anymore?

Friday, September 10, 2010

Thursday/Friday Five

I missed my Thursday five & there were no linky' I'm posting my Friday Five. Basically five things I'm grateful for this week. It may seem as a simple task, but it's a real challenge! Give it a try.

1-I suppose TV. I hate to watch it. Since I haven't slept for more than an hour at a time in weeks, it has really helped me just make it through the night. Not really the shows or even the sound...just the light in the room at night.

2-My bestie's awesome! Both of um! One in particular I don't know what I'd do without you, right now! Despite the chaos, you provide me a sense of calm through all this mess. God really knows whom and when to provide certain people in our lives when we need them the most!

3-Getting some headway in my case finally! It's about friggin time!

4-In 11 days, I will officially be single! Finally! It's time to focus on me for once & stop running from my issues. So this is me sticking to my guns and fighting for ME. About time.

5-This weekend is gonna be friggin awesome! Getting out of the of a close friend...maybe Sea World!!! WOOT!

So that's my five. I'll try to get back to posting everyday. No guarantees. Peace!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Get ya head in the game...

It's time to post something new. Here's a little of what's going on.

I have a vent. I'm so sick of my mom's BS! I moved back home to start over after a failed marriage (which the divorce will be finalized in less than 2 weeks!), & a broken heart. I'm in a lot of pain, not just physically. I have ONE friend that I can count on & hang out with. A family friend. We've known each other (the families) since I was just out of diapers. Well, now all of a sudden it's NOT ok for us to hang out! WTF?! I finally have someone who I know I will never lose. I mean they have been there all of my life through everything. But now our parents are trying to "nip it in the butt", like something's gonna happen! We both agree that we're not looking for a relationship right now, just focusing on ourselves, & innocent leaning on each other. What's so wrong with that?! My mom has been so nasty towards him that it's unreal! I'm stressed out, having nightmares & terrors every night & day. I don't sleep more than an hour at a time. Literally. He had a really bad breakup from his fiance (now ex-fiance), just as my fiance & I broke up recently. We comfort each other. That's what friends do. But all of a sudden that's so wrong! I don't understand! I don't have anyone else that I can hang out with or count on. I don't have a job yet & no vehicle. I can't get away from this house and chaos. I'm so stressed out and confused. I've lost my mind! My mom is being such a jerk to me! I've done nothing to her to deserve this! I do everything she asks me and then some! I let her push me over & this is the treatment I get?! It's ridiculous! Not to mention she tells me that I'm depressed and need professional help AND drugs! She tells my sister and brother that I can just leave; she doesn't care if she loses me, another child; She's miserable so she'll make everyone else miserable too. WTF?!? I have nowhere to go except the street or states away. I don't want that. I'm in over my head. It'll take me at least a couple of months to get on my feet, on my own. But in the meantime, I have to hang in there. I don't feel like I can anymore. I've lost my will....

On top of this, my bestie went into ICU today due to stress...similar to my situation actually. They diagnosed him with diabetic ketoacidosis (body is full of toxins). He has type 1 diabetes (born with it). Lucky to be alive at 21. Now lucky to be alive after this. He nearly died earlier today. I've been losing friends like flies lately & now this?! Oy Vay! As of right this minute he's still in ICU, but gonna pull through. THANK THE LORD!

Talk to the lawyer today. The offer wasn't enough to cover bills, lawyer fees, & a $50,000 surgery. So I have to send them more records, which they already have, but I'm gonna send them anyways. Lawyer says I have a good chance of doubling their initial offer without having to go to trial. WOOT!

Jason, the family friend, & I went walking today. A habit we are starting to get in shape & get out of the houses & away from the chaos. Today is was around Lake Holingsworth. It's 3 miles. Haven't done that in YEARS! I'm sore, but feel great! Gonna be doing this every chance we get, if not every day. YAY!

That was my vent, with a lil positivity in there. I also took a break from my B90, which is a no-no. So I have started it back up again. Today is officially Thursday (Eastern time) so later I'll be posting my Thursday Five! Woot! I'm getting back in the game peeps! Deuces!