Baby Fever

It seems to be an issue in relationships. Baby fever. Say, both want children of their own, biological I mean. But one isn't sure if they can physically have them. Like me for instance. I have PCOS & Endometriosis. I've never really used protection because 1-I'm allergic & 2-I was married, so if it happened, great! Obviously it didn't happen. I'm hurt because all my siblings & most friends have children & I don't. Even now, yet I'm divorced & single, I still have the baby fever. I just love them so much! I was born to be a mommy & I want that so very much! So of course I wonder if it's an issue in a new relationship. He wants children of his own so it's a difficult decision to make: be with me no matter what...or is it too much to bear that we may not have biological children? You know, think about ME & MY feelings here! It hurts me too! Be by my side and we can bear this together. It really should not be an issue. But it is to some people. So to those like me, it really hurts that the "thought" has to be thought about. I'm just sayin. I've seen this come around and felt like I needed to vent it. That's my vent. Comment if you like. Peace!

Psycho Babble

Officially one more week until my divorce is finalized. I'm not sure what to say except I'm hurt & excited at the same time. My "ex" is making me out to be the bad guy and him the victim. WTF?! The crap I went through for him...Anywho, everyday is getting a little harsher. Mainly because certain people are against my decisions. It somehow affects them, which is BS. You tell me not to worry about what others say about me and then turn around and jump on my case..because of what others are saying about me!?! WTH?! I'm sick of the double-standard, babble-bullshit. It's ridunkulous! lol Anyways, this is my own psycho babbling. What's normal anymore?

Thursday/Friday Five

I missed my Thursday five & there were no linky's..so I'm posting my Friday Five. Basically five things I'm grateful for this week. It may seem as a simple task, but it's a real challenge! Give it a try.

1-I suppose TV. I hate to watch it. Since I haven't slept for more than an hour at a time in weeks, it has really helped me just make it through the night. Not really the shows or even the sound...just the light in the room at night.

2-My bestie's awesome! Both of um! One in particular I don't know what I'd do without you, right now! Despite the chaos, you provide me a sense of calm through all this mess. God really knows whom and when to provide certain people in our lives when we need them the most!

3-Getting some headway in my case finally! It's about friggin time!

4-In 11 days, I will officially be single! Finally! It's time to focus on me for once & stop running from my issues. So this is me sticking to my guns and fighting for ME. About time.

5-This weekend is gonna be friggin awesome! Getting out of the house...wedding of a close friend...maybe Sea World!!! WOOT!

So that's my five. I'll try to get back to posting everyday. No guarantees. Peace!

Get ya head in the game...

It's time to post something new. Here's a little of what's going on.

I have a vent. I'm so sick of my mom's BS! I moved back home to start over after a failed marriage (which the divorce will be finalized in less than 2 weeks!), & a broken heart. I'm in a lot of pain, not just physically. I have ONE friend that I can count on & hang out with. A family friend. We've known each other (the families) since I was just out of diapers. Well, now all of a sudden it's NOT ok for us to hang out! WTF?! I finally have someone who I know I will never lose. I mean they have been there all of my life through everything. But now our parents are trying to "nip it in the butt", like something's gonna happen! We both agree that we're not looking for a relationship right now, just focusing on ourselves, & innocent leaning on each other. What's so wrong with that?! My mom has been so nasty towards him that it's unreal! I'm stressed out, having nightmares & terrors every night & day. I don't sleep more than an hour at a time. Literally. He had a really bad breakup from his fiance (now ex-fiance), just as my fiance & I broke up recently. We comfort each other. That's what friends do. But all of a sudden that's so wrong! I don't understand! I don't have anyone else that I can hang out with or count on. I don't have a job yet & no vehicle. I can't get away from this house and chaos. I'm so stressed out and confused. I've lost my mind! My mom is being such a jerk to me! I've done nothing to her to deserve this! I do everything she asks me and then some! I let her push me over & this is the treatment I get?! It's ridiculous! Not to mention she tells me that I'm depressed and need professional help AND drugs! She tells my sister and brother that I can just leave; she doesn't care if she loses me, another child; She's miserable so she'll make everyone else miserable too. WTF?!? I have nowhere to go except the street or states away. I don't want that. I'm in over my head. It'll take me at least a couple of months to get on my feet, on my own. But in the meantime, I have to hang in there. I don't feel like I can anymore. I've lost my will....

On top of this, my bestie went into ICU today due to stress...similar to my situation actually. They diagnosed him with diabetic ketoacidosis (body is full of toxins). He has type 1 diabetes (born with it). Lucky to be alive at 21. Now lucky to be alive after this. He nearly died earlier today. I've been losing friends like flies lately & now this?! Oy Vay! As of right this minute he's still in ICU, but gonna pull through. THANK THE LORD!

Talk to the lawyer today. The offer wasn't enough to cover bills, lawyer fees, & a $50,000 surgery. So I have to send them more records, which they already have, but I'm gonna send them anyways. Lawyer says I have a good chance of doubling their initial offer without having to go to trial. WOOT!

Jason, the family friend, & I went walking today. A habit we are starting to get in shape & get out of the houses & away from the chaos. Today is was around Lake Holingsworth. It's 3 miles. Haven't done that in YEARS! I'm sore, but feel great! Gonna be doing this every chance we get, if not every day. YAY!

That was my vent, with a lil positivity in there. I also took a break from my B90, which is a no-no. So I have started it back up again. Today is officially Thursday (Eastern time) so later I'll be posting my Thursday Five! Woot! I'm getting back in the game peeps! Deuces!

Sorry there are no updates.

Sorry there are no updates. Chaotic few days. Need some time and space. Get back to u when I can...

It's Thursday!!!

Time for Thursday Five! Sorry it's late, but better than never! What better time to not only reflect on the week, but also the day! I love this and am so grateful for Mrs. Gambizzle for sharing this, not to mention she has amazing jewelry!!!! Write your own (5 things that made you feel these words), click on the button, & link up on her blog!

• Main Entry: hap·pi·ness 

Pronunciation: \ˈha-pē-nəs\
Function: noun
Date: 15th century

1: a pleasurable or satisfying experience

• Main Entry: glee 

Pronunciation: \ˈglē\
Function: noun
Date: before 12th century

1 : exultant high-spirited joy

• Main Entry: ex·u·ber·ant

Function: adjective

1: joyously unrestrained and enthusiastic

• Main Entry: proud

Pronunciation: prau̇d

Function: adjective
Date: before 12th century

1: vigorous, spirited 

• Main Entry:  gid·dy

Pronunciation: gi-dē\

Function:adjective

Date: 14th century 

1: lightheartedly silly

 

 

 1~I'm so proud of my sailor! He's my Hero, my knight. Not only does he save lives, but he literally saved mine! That's why he's also my angel. He's a stubborn ass, but on the inside he's all mushy. Patrick is my sweetheart, my cuppie cake! And I'm his princess. 

2~Tomorrow I meet with my "ex" to sign and file papers. Finally! That makes me a little giddy inside! I'll soon to be a "single" woman again. 

3~Also tomorrow, my wittle sister is getting married! So excited for her!

4~I've had a rough, lonely, week. But I'm stronger than I realized. I made it yet another week! It seems my weeks go from Thursday to Wednesday all of a sudden. I look forward to my Thursday Fives! It's like Friday is the start of another week, even though it's the ending of one. So you could say I'm happy about Thursdays!

5~Ice cream fills me with so much glee it makes my tummy hurt! I don't get it often, but when I do I can't stop myself! I love it! I got my ice cream fix and my girlie time fix all in one! It was a gleeful day!!!

Grafted in...

Tonight's sermon was on Romans 11. Being grafted in. Paul is telling the Jews that through Jesus the gentiles have been "grafted in", enabled to receive salvation. As far as I know, I'm not Jewish by blood. So thank Jesus I have received salvation! Forgive me for not being so detailed tonight. Not feeling well, but it's not stopping me from being grateful! Which leads me to:

5 Things I'm Grateful for Today:

1-Jesus, Yeshua, our Messiah! We have been "grafted in" and allowed to receive salvation by His blood! No more sacrifices (literal) or 613 laws/commandments that we have to abide by! Although, we still have the 10 commandments.
2-My best friends. My girl and I are finally back together! It's so hard to talk to a DUDE about your issues, especially female issues. We hung out at Dairy Queen and it seemed like nothing ever happened, except that we are more comfortable with "each other". WOOT! Love you besties!
3-Hindsight is 20/20. We may want to know what's in the future but God says not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow isn't promised. We would just worry and overwhelm ourselves for what's to come. I believe this is why He holds "secrets" from us. God reveals information and blessings to us in His timing. When we are ready. Or when those around us who are to be involved are ready. It's not always about us either. Whoever is part of God's plan for our lives and blessings have to be "prepared" as well.
4-My brothers and sisters. I mean physically not spiritually. I got to spend the day with my oldest brother, whom we call Boogie. It was much needed one on one time. We are the closest out of all 5 of us. We both got out, cleared our heads, and got lots accomplished! Love my brudder! And then my sister and I were able to have a little one on one time as well tonight! Great day with the fam!
5-My sailor sweetie! This is a tough time for both of us, but we will get through. A journey we are on, of re-discovering ourselves, and stronger we will be. Soon we are to become one, but until then, the paths we take are separate, yet lead straight to our heavenly Father...where we will meet again whole, complete, and free.


Night all! Later I will be catching you up on my B90 Journey "Through the Bible in 90 Days" & don't forget it's now Thankful Thursday Five!