My new tank. So CUTE!

Feeling Free

I've been through a lot the past couple years..mostly in this one. Death, divorce, breakups, constant drama. There were a few dark moments I really didn't see myself finding the light again. Ready to leave this world behind...no matter WHOM I left behind. But as time goes on, I continue to fight through the chaos, and when I least expected it, a little glimmer opened my eyes, took hold of my hand, and is slowly leading me out of this darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once upon a time there was a girl. She was just a normal girl, but she believed in all things of beauty and magic. For her, every day was new; every day was an adventure. She saw beauty in the simplest of things and felt the pull of discovery every day. The world was a glittery mass, resplendent in light and floating in a sea of falling stars.

But one day, darkness came upon the girl. It came in waves, crashing down on her every time she started to get her feet beneath her. She floundered in the upsurge, unable to determine either the direction from which the waves came or the direction toward light. The dark was so vast and overwhelming that she did not think she would ever escape. In truth, there were times when she felt that she was about to be swept out into nothingness, never to be seen nor heard from again.

Until. Until one day when a single star caught her attention. She was so startled by the light that she nearly could not comprehend what it was; for a moment, she lost track of it. Her heart paused in the cage of her chest and she held her breath. Where was it? Where was it?

And then, sweet relief. As her eyes settled once more, and fully, upon the single orb of light in the distant sky, the girl's heart beat and her breath renewed. Beyond that, she felt a twist and loosening of something within her heart and sensed that something binding her soul had been released. She felt buoyant and free--and, as she watched, her skies lit up again.

Movin over...

I started a new blog recently so I'm moving over there. If my lovely followers wouldn't mind hoppin over there and following the new blog, I'd greatly appreciate it!

Love & hugs to my lovely readers! Thanks for the support!

Link is here:
http://lettersfromthejourneyofagirl.blogspot.com/

An open letter...

I just feel the need to write. I can't sleep. I've gone through a lot this year. Well the past four years. It decides to hit me at the worst moments. Like when I'm trying to sleep!

Three years, four months ago I married the sweetest, kindest man on earth. A hasty decision most didn't agree with, since we had only been together for about 3 months. Not even known each other a year. Oh it was exciting! We just KNEW we were perfect together! This was the happiest time in our lives! Nothing could end this bliss!
Three years, two months ago I found my father-in-law dead in our home. That was the day our lives changed forever. Unfortunately, it changed us. As individuals and as a couple. I drew closer to him because he was my husband. My soul mate. My everything. I gave up everything for him. The decision to marry him caused me to lose a lot of friends and people to turn their back on me. But I had HIM, so no one else mattered. He..I don't know where he went. He shut me out. Nothing I did was good enough, or just didn't measure up to his expectations. The abuse began.
Eight months ago we separated. Three years of emotional, mental, & verbal abuse wasn't enough for me to give up. I stuck it through, praying & holding on to what I thought was "happiness", which really was a nightmare. The last straw for me was when he did something utterly STUPID. I'm not going into details, but all I can say is I'm really glad I got away when I had the chance, else I may not be here today. Well, the decision to leave him was a bad one for most people. This is because we are VERY good actors. We don't allow our business or issues in public. We keep it private, behind closed doors. Good and bad. We tried counseling and what not, but obviously it was a lost cause. Our friends and family had NO idea what was really going on in our marriage. To them, we were the ideal couple. But that was all a ruse because we didn't want others in our personal issues. So...when we split...it broke everyone's hearts. And of course they didn't agree with the decision. Since I was the one who left, he seemed like & played the victim. Still does.
Two months ago our divorce was finalized. Again, bad choice. There goes the rest of the friends I had left. So many wanted us to seek other counseling and make it work. I'm sorry, but we tried that and it didn't work. I accepted my wrongs and what I could've done differently. He would not. There are too many irreconcilable differences. It's unfortunate, we can't even be friends, even though we get along much better now than ever. I've been doing GREAT...until I get a phone call from my sister saying that my name is in the paper..under divorces. WOW.

Ok reality, stop slapping me in the face please?!

I've been doing ok. Well...not really. I went to Connecticut for a lil while. I moved actually. What started as a lil vacay with a close friend, turned into a full blown/complicated relationship with a sailor, ended with another broken heart. I'm tattered and torn, but I'm still a person with feelings, hopes, and desires. So, needless to say, I'm back home with the rents...in Fl. Back to where I started three and a half years ago. No job, no car, no income whatsoever, & stressed to the max! I'm overwhelmed with all that's happened and the chaos that goes on around me. I understand others don't always approve of my decisions, but the least they could do is support me. My family at the very least! That's just too much to ask coming from ME I suppose.

I have a new guy, although he isn't really new. We've grown up together, since we were barely out of diapers, pretty much. We recently got back in touch, started hanging out, & one thing led to another. Here we are, two months later. Two individuals, despite unfortunate events, starting over. As people and as a couple. Fighting through life, judgment, & recession. Disregarding the odds. Moving on from the past. Creating an amazing future..together..believing in noone but each other. Because each other is who, all, we have.

Wee bit of Mee

  {one} what time do you normally wake up?Well, considering I don't have a job currently, I don't have a bedtime or wake up time. But about 5-6am I get a little antsy waiting for a good morning text =) I'm usually up right after I hear from mah babeh, no matter when I actually went to sleep.
{two} do you have a go-to song for karaoke?

Don't do karaoke so don't have a song

{three} if you could only see black and white except for one color, what color would you choose to see?Probably pink. Or red. They're romantic colors and I'm a hopeless romantic.
{four} what color best matches your personality?Probably pink. I'm a softy at heart, but I'm spunky too.
{five} if you could choose one meal to cook better than anyone else, what would it be?Maybe a roast. Growing up, every Sunday after church, my mom &/or grandma would make this amazing roast & delicious sides. When my grandma passed away that tradition unfortunately ended. I would LOVE to start it again & pass it on in my own family. I did make one once and everyone thought it was amazing. Sad thing is, I don't remember all that I did with it. I like to experiment when I cook, and whip things up, and I always forget to write down what exactly I did.
{six} how many keys do you have on your key ring?oh jeez...5 or 6. A few house keys, po box & mail box keys, and a couple I have no clue what they are.
{seven} do you give your pets birthday/christmas gifts?Since I got my cat from a pet store, I don't know her birthday except the month she was born in. But Christmas I may get her a lil something and this year I'm going to make animal treats for the animals. =)
{eight} when your plate has different foods on it, do you mix or not?Oh yes! I love to mix things up. My favorite is corn and mashed potatoes. And hash browns and eggs. But my bacon I eat alone because I enjoy it soooo much. =)
{nine} if you could hire someone to do one thing for you all the time, what would it be?

 I hate to do dishes, but I think I hate sweeping/mopping/vacuuming more.

{ten} when flying, do you prefer the window or aisle seat?WINDOW! I love to look out the window and see the world under me. Plus, I have a slight anxiety and looking out the window helps calm me down. Maybe it's a little claustrophobia? I'm not sure.

Wee bit of Mee

{one} do you collect anything? if so, what and how long have you been collecting? 

Tiggers. Stuffed tiggers. Anything tigger. hehe 
{two} what is one cleaning tip that you swear by?  
I dont' think I have any cleaning tips. I just use whatever is at my disposal, or whatever.
{three} who would you call for bail money?  
Probably my mom. She may not have it, but she will definitely find a way to get it!.
{four} what is one thing you miss about being a kid?  
The innocence. I'm going out on a limb saying this, but it was taken away too soon. I miss the lack of responsibility too. When a kids biggest problem was figuring out which color crayon to use.
{five} name a few of your guilty pleasures.
Starbucks frappes! And chocolate! I can NOT resist any kind of chocolate!
{six} how early do you start your holiday shopping?  
I'm an early starter.
{seven} what is a family tradition that you would like to pass on to your significant other/children?  
Setting up the Christmas tree right after Thanksgiving. And then burning it on New Years! It's a family event.
{eight} what do you consider your greatest achievement?  
So far, just living. Being alive. Overcoming seemingly impossible obstacles.
{nine} what do you do to pamper yourself? 
I take long showers. Lotion freak! I take my time getting ready for things. Do my hair and makeup. It's rare that I do this, but when I do it's like a lil pamper myself time. I dont' have the money to go out and get my hair and nails done and all that brouhaha so I do my own thing for myself.
{ten} if you were to start your own restaurant, what would it be called?
Something with my name in it, obviously. And maybe something to do with Strawberry because I'm a strawberry everything FREAK! I've joked about starting my own place and having nothing but strawberry flavors and what-not, since I was a little girl. It would be fun to do. Maybe....

Wee bit of Mee-Halloween edition

 

 {one} have you ever seen a ghost?Don't think so. When I was 12, I was helping an aunt move..and I swear I heard a baby laughing and the rocking chair in the room...was moving. It's a long story.
{two} when was the last time you dressed up for halloween?

Oh sheesh...YEARS

{three} what’s your favorite candy?Almost anything with chocolate...but all in all I think Reese's Peanut Butter cups..
{four} did you have a favorite costume growing up?Minnie Mouse..it was actually for a homecoming skit in which I was running for queen. I had the entire costume..make up and all. It was close to Halloween though!
{five} did you carve pumpkins this year?Nope. I've actually never carved pumpkins. Maybe next year.
{six} what’s your favorite scary movie?Uuumm...I'm not really into scary movies or horror flicks. I was when I was little. But now...NO WAY! lol The closest I can get is maybe The Nightmare Before Christmas.
{seven} haunted houses or corn mazes?I think mazes because Haunted Houses are cheesy.
{eight} are you superstitious?nope.
{nine} have you ever owned a black cat?I'm not sure actually. My cat now is a dark grey..close enough right?
{ten} what are you plans for this coming halloween?If I'm back in time, trick or treating with the nieces I'm sure. I have no life...so no parties for me. :-(